So as of last time, I was in fits of anxiety. And was also having some health issues, lung wise. I'm happy to say that those problems have resolved after several medication issues, changes, steroids, drug trials and a wonderful vacation! It's very ironic because I was quite sick at the same time of year the year before. Anxiety and lung issues, I mean. October/November 2015 and 2016 I ended up on steroids...literally the same week both years, there must be something in the air or maybe in our heating systems (either at work or home) that sets me off. After a very tumultuous year with our fertility issues, we decided to put that on hold (more on that later) and plan a vacation. So we booked Disney! Wahoooo!! Literally, my dream and I'm not even kidding. Yes at 32 years old, I was like a kid in a candy store. But I got quite sick about 3 weeks before. We didn't even know whether I'd be able to go until 2 days before. I work for a travel agency so I was able to book it all myself and get credit for it. But the Thursday before we were leaving I was still coughing a TON and wasn't sure how I'd do on the plane. So I finally spoke up to an agent in the office...all the while thinking to myself why didn't I get the cancel for any reason insurance.
BUT the good thing about Disney is that you can pretty much postpone at the last minute with no penalties. So at worst, we would have simply postponed. Same goes for Southwest plane tickets as long as you haven't "checked in" to your flight. So I think overall, that gave me much more courage and ways to deal with the anxiety...finally voicing my concerns and talking them over. I was pretty sure I'd be ok once we got down to the nice sunny Florida weather. So I left work early Friday...did early voting, and got my nails done. And I was feeling good, but I still (even to this day) have the phone number for Disney, just in case we had to postpone. LOL. I'll add some pics to the end of this post.
ALSO, and really the point of this post...at the time of my last post my sister had just told me she was pregnant. It wasn't "Facebook Official" as they say so I couldn't really share it here. Which, I think that led to some of my anxiety as well. Lots of emotions were floating through my brain that I am not going to get into here. My sister is very aware of my situation and extremely supportive...of which I am grateful. I think she was afraid to tell me because she didn't want me to be upset or jealous. And as anyone who's been through infertility knows, its hard. It sucks a lot of times. And its painful. I was so sad for me, so sad for her and I just couldn't process a lot of that initially. I still tell her that I feel awful that she couldn't be happier and that I couldn't be happier. It's just such a delicate topic. I know she understands and I know she didn't mean any harm. I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish it wasn't such a delicate place. I wish that she could have shouted on the rooftops or done some over the top announcement...but I can't predict how I would have reacted. And I am grateful she didn't do that, but I wish she could have.
I am sure my reaction wasn't what she expected. I said "oh, I pretty much knew." LOL. We've talked since then and of course I don't think I showed any jealousy. I have told her a few times that I am sorry you couldn't be more excited. I'm sorry I couldn't be more excited...but I am so thankful that she doesn't let that bother her. That no matter what, she understands and will always support me. She cares about me and my feelings and I am happy to say that jealousy didn't last long. ;) Of course, another beauty I get to love and cuddle and spoil. I cannot contain my excitement at this point. I want to meet this little nugget and I will be there as soon as I get that call. It is such a blessing to be a cherished Auntie and I am honored to be one. This baby will be the first on my side and although I have other nieces and nephews on my husbands side, it's different when its your own flesh and blood. We grew up together and we will always have each other. She's due any day and I am bouncing off the walls with excitement. Last night after we went to bed, we heard my phone buzz across the room...so I leaped up to check, but it was just my mom...with no baby news. bahahaha.
I'll post more updates on my health and emotions at a llater date.
Our resort. Dreamy and peaceful. And perfect weather, literally every day. It almost made me want to move to Florida. Then I remembered how humid it gets.
We asked one person to take our pic at Epcot and she cut off the golf ball. *insert eye roll* It's a great picture but kind of missing the point. Haha.
I shocked myself by doing Tower of Terror. Sat outside for 15 minutes trying to talk myself into it. LOL.
This was at Universal, but holy cow. JUST like you'd imagine Hogwarts. Speechless.
Everything was decorated for Christmas even though it was early November. So picturesque and so "Disney". Pure love.
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