Changing Seasons

I'll preface this by saying, I have a lot to look forward to.  I can't put it all in writing yet, but in due time, you'll hear about it.

But I am caught in this ball of anxiety lately. The thought of being stuck inside all winter consumes me, the thought of another like the one we had two years ago...is utterly intimidating.  Trust me, snow up to our first floor windows and several storms every week for at least a month.  The snow in my front yard was up to my shoulders.  I have said many times, I am not ready for that again...yet I love it when it's happening.  LOL  I am a walking contradiction.  The changing of seasons always makes me anxious.  I can't really describe why and I know I'm not the only one.  It's the whole idea of less sun.  Waking up and taking the dog out when it's still pitch black and then having to get ready for work in the dark, bitter cold house (we refuse to turn our heat on yet because it still gets pretty warm during the day). And I know that staying in bed all day wouldn't make my mood any better, so I get up.  As people always do.  We move on and we persevere and get through another day.

The view from the drivers seat of my car after a major blizzard!

Part of my problem is that I've had this pain in my chest the last few days.  I don't think its anything serious, they did X-rays and those didn't show anything out of place (literally, LOL).  It gets better with Motrin, but I am concerned it won't be better in time for our trip.  I definitely don't want to be in pain walking around Disney for a week.  And I didn't buy the trip insurance, so I am kinda freaking about that, what was I thinking?  In addition I am currently on Tobi and for some reason I am exhausted all the time!  Tobi is a nebulized antibiotic that takes about 20-30 minutes twice a day.  It may not seem like much, but 20 minutes in the morning getting ready for work is huge.  And 20 minutes at the end of the day when you have dishes in the sink and a dog waiting to snuggle with you is a lot of time.  I don't do my treatments in the TV room because they are so loud and my dog won't sit on the couch until I am there with her.  So because of this stuff, I've been slacking around the house and I don't think that is helping my anxiety.  I feel like there are always dishes in the sink now, mail piled on the table, etc.  But I have no time! I had a long weekend this past weekend, and I did get some stuff done, but not all of it.  I need to find my motivation again.

I am also in a drug study, so I have had to trek an hour + into the city for check ups every two weeks on my day off!  And some visits have been VERY long.  I am so done with that.  As much as I love the idea of research and making strides to help other CFer's, I don't think I can do another study while I am still working full time.  Even though I knew the schedule of visits, for some reason I didn't think it would take this much out of me.  I need that day off during the week to get stuff done.

Reading, crocheting and listening to music are all favorite coping mechanisms for my anxiety.  As much as I love the "trashy beach novels", they are way too easy to read.  I can finish them in a day or two...and I get so consumed, that reading is all I want to do!  LOL I mean, yea, there's definitely worse things I could be obsessed with.  But I want something a little more complex, that takes thought and time.  Maybe I'll try Game of Thrones again.  I got through about half of the first and had to return it to the library.  I have TONS of crochet projects to get working on! LOTs of babies coming in the next several months that need handmade gifts.  I am trying to think of what I want to make for each of them and that thought is a daunting task as well.  I like each item to be different, so its more of a challenge to me (to get the pattern down) but its also nice for the baby-to-be to have a unique gift.  So that's kind of consuming my mind. At least two of the mommies won't be finding out gender, so I have to find neutral patterns and colors.  One is on the fence about finding out (she actually has an envelope in her house with it written and she hasn't looked at it yet!)...and I have a feeling she'll end up looking in the envelope...so I don't want to start anything for her yet.  And the fourth is definitely having a boy, but I am not as close to her...she's more the daughter of my moms friend, but someone I grew up playing with in the neighborhood.  So I don't see her anymore, but I'd like to make something special for baby.  And I hate silence, so music helps me think.  I love listening to the words and trying to make sense or find a time in my life that relates.  :)

Not the best quality pic, but one of the neutral blankets I'm working on!

New Job

So far its going really well.  I started Monday in a supervisory role in a new office, same company.  Its actually the corporate offices and a call center.  My department is relatively small in the scheme of the whole building…but I really like being around others.  It gives me more people to kind of befriend than my prior office.  My old job had only 9-10 people and if you didn't get along with anyone there weren't really places to escape to.  We had a lunch room and that was it.  This new office has probably 30-40 people working at a given time.  Not to mention the corporate offices are right upstairs.  Some people may find that intimidating, but we rarely see them where I am…its a comfort to know they are right there.  Of course if you had asked me that back in November when my boss got fired, I may not have agreed.  But I know realize what went down and I am on a good career path for me.  I did what was right for my happiness and for my family.  And I am away from the drama queens of my old office.  Yay!  Whats meant to be, will be.  I really like my company and it has been around forever, so another comfort. So long as I prove myself, I will continue on a good path.  Another good thing about being in this office is that we learn a lot more background stuff…the why's and how's of whats being done.  I honestly felt kind of left out in my old office.  Like we never knew the reasoning behind certain decisions.  

I've started training on my new responsibilities and thats going well too.  Its not much more at this point, but it has a lot of potential.  So if I can handle these jobs/responsibilities then I will be more able to move up quicker. Everyone seems happy to have me there.  In my old job, I had spent a lot of time on the phone with some departments that are in my new building and since I've made the move…its like I already have friends!  I have people to sit with at lunch and its not awkward like if it was a whole new company.  And because of my performance level at my old position, the HR and area manager seem very happy to have me!