Yarn Love, part 1

So I said a while back that I wanted to blog more about my life outside of CF, so this is my starting point.

I have been doing a lot of knitting and crochet lately and I just find it hard to sit down and type out my thoughts.  I feel like I'd much rather be working with my yarn.  ;) But I've also been following a lot of yarn related blogs lately and I really like what I am seeing and would love to contribute to the yarn blog world.  So I thought maybe I'd "try" to alternate a crafty post with a health related post...or maybe focus more on my crafty things than my health issues at all.  We'll see how this works out.  In the next few posts, I'll be sharing my journey with yarn art.

Let me get started by saying, I am not an artsy person.  I can't draw or paint for the life of me.  Art class in school was more a time for doodles and fooling around, it was never my strong suit.  When I was in college my core group of girls and I dabbled in scrapbooking, and card making.  I loved doing all of that because I didn't have to draw my own stuff, I could just use stamps and stickers and such.  I spent a lot of money and bought a lot of the things.  But I just wasn't loving this craft.  It was expensive and took up a lot of space which I didn't quite have.  I still have a lot of the stuff and will use it for the card stock or the pretty paper designs, but not much more.  I actually gave a lot of it to my mom because she has more time.  If I have the space some day, maybe I can go back to it.

I ended up going an extra half year in college to do my student teaching...so I graduated in the spring and then went back in the fall the same year (the next school year).  I had a whole new crew of room mates as mine had all graduated and started work.  So clearly as you'll find out in the next sentence...we were huge partiers.  LOL...jk.  One Saturday morning...yes, this is what we did for fun...we went to Walmart and bought yarn and knitting needles.  Then spent the rest of the day learning the basic knit stitch.  One of the girls in this crew (remember, not my original crew, but my new crew) had been working on a cable scarf in a dark blue and after much discussion, the other 3 of us decided we wanted to learn too.  I bought two skeins that did NOT match together at all.  One was yellow cotton yarn and one was a light purple fluffy yarn.  If you know anything about the fiber content of yarn, these two definitely did not go together.  I'll have to see if I still have the yarn and post a pic. (UPDATE:  found the yarns)

 As you can see, the colors aren't too terrible together.

BUT, if you look closely at the thickness, they really don't go well together.  *lesson learned*

So I started doing a scarf using both of those colors.  Scarves are great ways to learn because it's mostly straight and can be done rather quickly.  Long story short, I never finished that scarf, it was too hideous.  LOL.  Because the purple is so much thicker, the purple stripes were wider than the yellow and the scarf wasn't really wearable.  Years later, I ended up ripping the whole thing out and saving the yarn for something else.  Keep in mind, this was over 10 years ago.  Yes, I've kept this yarn, maybe out of sentimentality, maybe because I can't bear to part with yarn I may someday use.  Whatever the reason, this is what started my love of all things yarn related. I don't remember what my next project was, but I knitted many baby blankets along the way and ended up teaching myself the many intricacies of knitting, including different stitches and non straight edges.  I'll continue sharing my journey in later posts.  Keep your eyes peeled and thanks for reading!


For more pictures of current projects, visit my Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/yarncraftsbycait/ or follow me on IG @cpell215.

Changing Seasons

I'll preface this by saying, I have a lot to look forward to.  I can't put it all in writing yet, but in due time, you'll hear about it.

But I am caught in this ball of anxiety lately. The thought of being stuck inside all winter consumes me, the thought of another like the one we had two years ago...is utterly intimidating.  Trust me, snow up to our first floor windows and several storms every week for at least a month.  The snow in my front yard was up to my shoulders.  I have said many times, I am not ready for that again...yet I love it when it's happening.  LOL  I am a walking contradiction.  The changing of seasons always makes me anxious.  I can't really describe why and I know I'm not the only one.  It's the whole idea of less sun.  Waking up and taking the dog out when it's still pitch black and then having to get ready for work in the dark, bitter cold house (we refuse to turn our heat on yet because it still gets pretty warm during the day). And I know that staying in bed all day wouldn't make my mood any better, so I get up.  As people always do.  We move on and we persevere and get through another day.

The view from the drivers seat of my car after a major blizzard!

Part of my problem is that I've had this pain in my chest the last few days.  I don't think its anything serious, they did X-rays and those didn't show anything out of place (literally, LOL).  It gets better with Motrin, but I am concerned it won't be better in time for our trip.  I definitely don't want to be in pain walking around Disney for a week.  And I didn't buy the trip insurance, so I am kinda freaking about that, what was I thinking?  In addition I am currently on Tobi and for some reason I am exhausted all the time!  Tobi is a nebulized antibiotic that takes about 20-30 minutes twice a day.  It may not seem like much, but 20 minutes in the morning getting ready for work is huge.  And 20 minutes at the end of the day when you have dishes in the sink and a dog waiting to snuggle with you is a lot of time.  I don't do my treatments in the TV room because they are so loud and my dog won't sit on the couch until I am there with her.  So because of this stuff, I've been slacking around the house and I don't think that is helping my anxiety.  I feel like there are always dishes in the sink now, mail piled on the table, etc.  But I have no time! I had a long weekend this past weekend, and I did get some stuff done, but not all of it.  I need to find my motivation again.

I am also in a drug study, so I have had to trek an hour + into the city for check ups every two weeks on my day off!  And some visits have been VERY long.  I am so done with that.  As much as I love the idea of research and making strides to help other CFer's, I don't think I can do another study while I am still working full time.  Even though I knew the schedule of visits, for some reason I didn't think it would take this much out of me.  I need that day off during the week to get stuff done.

Reading, crocheting and listening to music are all favorite coping mechanisms for my anxiety.  As much as I love the "trashy beach novels", they are way too easy to read.  I can finish them in a day or two...and I get so consumed, that reading is all I want to do!  LOL I mean, yea, there's definitely worse things I could be obsessed with.  But I want something a little more complex, that takes thought and time.  Maybe I'll try Game of Thrones again.  I got through about half of the first and had to return it to the library.  I have TONS of crochet projects to get working on! LOTs of babies coming in the next several months that need handmade gifts.  I am trying to think of what I want to make for each of them and that thought is a daunting task as well.  I like each item to be different, so its more of a challenge to me (to get the pattern down) but its also nice for the baby-to-be to have a unique gift.  So that's kind of consuming my mind. At least two of the mommies won't be finding out gender, so I have to find neutral patterns and colors.  One is on the fence about finding out (she actually has an envelope in her house with it written and she hasn't looked at it yet!)...and I have a feeling she'll end up looking in the envelope...so I don't want to start anything for her yet.  And the fourth is definitely having a boy, but I am not as close to her...she's more the daughter of my moms friend, but someone I grew up playing with in the neighborhood.  So I don't see her anymore, but I'd like to make something special for baby.  And I hate silence, so music helps me think.  I love listening to the words and trying to make sense or find a time in my life that relates.  :)

Not the best quality pic, but one of the neutral blankets I'm working on!

Update/Goals for the blog

So apparently its been quite a while since I blogged.  Woops!

I don't even know where to start if I am going to tell you how my life has been...It's been a whirlwind, that's for sure.  I was sick and in the ER twice back in May/June and I think that was the last time I wrote.  Fortunately, it was not a CF kind of sick, it was more of my endometriosis flaring up real bad. Unfortunately, I was in agonizing pain for quite some time, was unable to eat much and lost about 10 pounds.  I ended up in the hospital for 10 days total because they couldn't figure out what exactly was wrong. And then during the second week they found a "pocket" of infection near my bladder.  My theory is that I had a burst cyst that got infected along with the endo and some inflammation in my intestine. But anyway, that's all in the past now.  During that time, we put our TTC efforts on hold and so far we have not gone back.  As much as I have always wanted babies, after that scare it really got us thinking that we also want to travel more. We don't know if/when we will go back to the fertility specialist.

A week after I finally left the hospital, we had planned on going away for my husbands wheelchair soccer tournament in Indiana (a two+ hour flight from home) and we did go.  Again something I was very unsure of doing.  I had a lot of bottled up anxiety.  On the one hand, I didn't want to get all the way to Indiana and be in agonizing pain again...but on the other I didn't want to stay home alone for almost a week and risk being in pain.  So we decided at the last minute that I'd still go and it was great!  Even though I just sat around on bleachers watching soccer most of the the time, it was very nice to just get away from everything.  To go somewhere I'd never been, to see something my parents and sister have never seen...despite there not being much to do in "The Middle" of the country.  We were able to relax and let go of everything that had happened back home.  AND we realized how EASY it was to travel.  You see...we travelled with his whole team, 7 men and one woman in wheelchairs, plus the significant others/or helpers.  It was a HUGE process and trying to get all of them (and the wheelchairs) on the plane wasn't easy, but it went far smoother than we could have imagined.  All my husband kept saying was "imagine how easy it would be if it was just us."  

SO...when we got home we started talking about our trip and going somewhere, just the two of us. And, guess what guys....I finally convinced him to take me to DISNEY!!!  We leave in about 5 weeks and I am already like a kid in a candy store, bouncing off the walls excited!!  And I have been since we booked it.  I work for a travel agency and I have been telling my husband FOREVER that Disney is the perfect place for people in wheelchairs.  I mean, you book the trip and its all taken care of. They do everything.  They pick us up at the airport in Orlando and shuttle us to our resort.  They even pick up our luggage!  I mean, really?!  Can you get better than that?  I know when I land at an airport, the last thing I want to do is wait for my baggage to come off the conveyor belt.  Granted, with CF most of my luggage (medication, Vest, nebulizer) will be in my carryon and I'll still be responsible for that...at least I won't have to worry about our additional 1-2 bags with our clothes. Seriously excited for this.  THEN, once you're on Disney property you don't even need to rent a car. There are shuttles and the monorail all over to take you to all of the parks, other resorts and Disney Springs (the old Downtown Disney shopping/restaurant area).  And I know he won't be able to ride all the rides, but everything else is wheelchair accessible.  Serious bonus in my book!  *unlike at a beachy resort on an island outside of the US, that may have stairs and hills and whatnot*  Not to mention, we will be there during the Food and Wine Fest at Epcot!  So it will be a little more "adult" than just going for the princesses.  ;) I know he'll like Epcot.  I was there 21 years ago next month, he's never been.  We will take one day to do Universal too.  I am PUMPED to see Harry Potter land.  oh my gosh.  From what I hear, it looks JUST like the movies.  We'll probably have to take a cab there or find some sort of shuttle.  I am not worried about that.  I just can't wait to go.  And the weather should be perfect.  Everyone is telling me how great a time of year it will be.  

So as for this blog...I've been thinking of what I want it to be.  I want to be more involved in the blogging world, I want to spend more time writing on here.  I just don't know what I'd write about every time.  LOL.  So I am going to try a be a better participant.  I will try and blog more often, maybe come up with some weekly or monthly theme posts that will make sure I get on here.  If I set a definite post for a definite date, then I'd find time.  My computer time is usually while I am nebbing/vesting and lately I've been crocheting or watching make up videos while nebbing/vesting.  Oh yea, I also joined on as a Younique make up presenter, so if you have any make up questions or want to check out the line, leave me a comment.  I really love the products that I have tried so far and can't wait to try more.  Having this little side business has kept my mind off of some other things going on (the not TTC, the health issues) and has given me some thing to work towards and look forward to.  And as for the crochet stuff, I have lots of friends and relatives that are expecting soon so I've been kept pretty busy with that.  And with some random orders here and there.  I love being able to create a gorgeous keepsake for someone...especially babies.  Keep an eye out for some posts on my upcoming projects! I have some gorgeous WIP's (works in progress) that are on my (crochet) hooks right now.  Yes I typically have several projects going on at once and then several more in my brain waiting to be started.  LOL.

So for now, that's really all. If you have any ideas on things for me to write about, things you want to know more about, CF life, wheelchair spouse life...please let me know.  And I will see what I can come up with!  Have a lovely day!

What I've been waiting for!

Two major updates on this post.  And a minor update.

Update #1:  Physical Therapy Progress

I had another monthly check with my clinic PT the other day.  I've been working with him monthly on strength and conditioning exercises.  Usually he will give me new exercises to work into my routine at the gym.  This week, we did a whole reevaluation…and I am thrilled to say I have made some great progress!  My six minute walk test improved by 12%, I was able to increase my bicep and tricep weight tolerance by 5 pounds and I had amazingly improved on planks and pushups!  Wahooo!!

I tried to tell him that I could tell it was all working because my legs felt "less flabby".  And in truth, I have felt that my body shape has improved as well, not as much jiggling in my belly.  When I was at the gym later in the week, I watched myself in the mirror and could see the difference when I did whatever exercise it was that I was working on.  So instead of adding new exercises this week, he just increased the intensity of what I have been doing…so if I was planking for 30 seconds before, I now have to do 45 seconds.  Or if I was doing 6 push ups before, I have to do 10 now.  And for exercises with weights, I have to do 12.5 pounds instead of 10.

I am extremely excited for these results.  It's great motivation for me to keep going.  I want to see progress and change.  To think that I've been meeting with the PT for 10 weeks now…I was on vacation for one whole week, had a few bouts of bowel blockages in which I was not able to work out…and to see progress despite all of that, I am pretty amazed!  What will the next month bring, if I can go to the gym more frequently and I don't get sick?  *insert happy face*

Update #2:  Fertility Treatments

It took us quite a while…but we finally have our new insurance!  And of course I called to see what they cover for fertility right away.  The general copay is quite steep (in my opinion, and compared to before)…BUT our deductible is very low.  So…if we meet our deductible (with fertility visits OR any other medical costs)…then there would be no additional cost for treatments.  Since we just started with the insurance it isn't likely we will have met our deductible any time soon…and of course that deductible would start over again on January 1.

So I called the fertility clinic yesterday to start thinking about getting back there.  They gave me a list of dates that our doctor is in the office and as soon as husband and I can agree on a date, I will call them back.  Since we've already done two tries with IUI, my inkling is that he (the doctor) will want to proceed right to IVF.  I am ok with that, but I am not sure husband is ready for that.  The one problem with the new insurance is that we have a lifetime limit of five cycles of fertility treatments.  So naturally, I don't want to waste any of those on IUI if it might not work.  I might agree to one more round of that, but I don't want to keep that up.  I just don't know.  I have said previously, I have this intense fear that pregnancy will never happen for me and I am scared.  I know there are other things in life that could fill that emptiness, I want to be able to say "at least we gave it our all".

Minor Update: 

I've been doing a LOT of knitting and crocheting!  It has really helped to take my mind off of fertility stuff…and it gives me great pride to see someone's happy face when I give them something beautifully hand crafted.  That's why I haven't updated much on here.  I started a Facebook to sell my stuff and in one week, I have 150 likes! GO ME!  I've kind of been biding my time to open up this page.  I've wanted to do it for a while, but never felt I was good enough or that people would like my stuff.  But a few weeks ago (before I set up the page) I posted a picture of a doll outfit that I had made and one of my friends immediately commented and said "I need two of these!"  So that gave me confidence to set up my site.  Check it out and give me a like!  https://www.facebook.com/yarncraftsbycait

HOT, HOT, HOT

This weather is just killer. I don't have any energy to get stuff accomplished…and I really don't feel like working or working out! ;)  My house is a mess, I really hope no one stops by because it just ugh.  I need to do laundry, but its in the basement and I hate lugging it all down there and then bringing it back up and folding it.  I'd much rather have snow piles up to my ears…well I may not exactly be ready for this again…but I'd settle for under 90 and lower humidity.

This is the view from sitting in my car after one of our many snowstorms this past winter.  It was literally up to my shoulders.  My city was supposedly labeled, "the snow capital of the US".  It was a pretty extreme winter.

Of course, last week after my post and after my great update at the PT…I ended up with some moderate belly pain one evening.  I called CF clinic the next day and they sent me for an X-ray the same day.  Apparently I had a "lot of stool" built up in my colon.  So I was feeling pretty awful for a few days while that passed.  In the midst of that, I started coughing more than my norm.  So I called the doctor again on Monday.  They must be so sick of me!  LOL.  I am still feeling pretty bloated, but the pain in my belly is gone.  I also started Cayston (an inhaled antibiotic) for my cough.  So far it does seem to be helping.  I'm bringing up more junk and my cough doesn't seem as tight.  

Other than this heat, I really can't complain.  Our garden is looking awesome!  I'm spending a lot of time crocheting or knitting.  I have tons of friends and a coworker having babies lately.  So lots of small projects.  I'll try and do a whole update on that later with pictures.  I am so proud of (and in love with) ALL the things I make.  As much as I hate to give them away, I know they are going to good families who will appreciate them.  Some things I've made of late…lovey blankets (my new favorite thing, so quick and easy to do…and adorable), head bands for baby girls, large blankets, hats of course.  I have been slowly working to clean out my craft room and it really seems to be helping motivate me to craft more and use what I have!  Its a slow process, but when I feel motivated, I'll clean for a half hour or so and so far it looks really good.  The crafting is a cathartic thing for me.  It keeps my mind occupied while also relaxing me at the end of the day…as long as I'm not too tired.  Its like free therapy!  And crocheting and knitting can be done in front of the tv, so I am still spending time with hubby too.